there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
