i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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