you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
