I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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