Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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