Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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