somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
