There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
