dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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