New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
