i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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