Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize