Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
