If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
