sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
