Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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