as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
