Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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