We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
