She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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