Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
