I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think my moral compass just broke
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
