Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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