I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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