I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize