false alarm. still invincible.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
