I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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