i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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