i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
