My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
