First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize