Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
