Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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