WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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