Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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