My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
