I think I won the penis lottery.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
