a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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