wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
