Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
