How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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