I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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