Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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