those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
