Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
