piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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