Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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