I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
