either way he was missing a nipple.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
