Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
