Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize