At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I party with great urgency now.
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