I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
