I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
