Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
