they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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