Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
do nipples grow back?
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