Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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