uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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