And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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