stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
In America we eat man semen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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