If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
