Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
