i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
