I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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