i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
