I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Buhtt sex?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize