question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
