I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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