Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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