Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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