Me. At least after what I've been through.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
