According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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