if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize