Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
