I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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